Lots of noise!!!

In the past three days I have been really struggling in find my way out of a odd spot. I have several ideas that I would like to talk about but they are all coming up short in the writing. I have been writing and half way into a thought, I stop, and go I do not really know if I believe what I just wrote or I will find so many holes in my own logic that I wonder where did that #$$# come from.

I like to think big about things. I like theology and philosophy but lately these ideas and conversations have just annoyed me. I feel like I am spitting out words that have no meaning. I feel like I am a huge source of noise pollution. Even as I put out these blogs in the unknown world of cyber space I wonder why, is anyone even reading them?

At first I think this was more of a cathartic process, maybe a clearing of the mind for me. Now I find my self afraid of creating noise. I heard a young girl on Youtube that said “if you use words in a twisted way they just die and dead words are very sad…” I know she was over acting for the web but her words sunk in really deep. There truly is a sadness in dead words.

In my counseling classes we have been going over the power of listening. I like to say 2 ears one mouth use them accordingly but lately I feel like I have reversed the process. I have been quieter the past few days when I am out in public. I am trying to hear the world and culture around me but all I hear is noise. I feel like there is a big TV on and the channel has gone out and it loudly playing that white noise.

I hear talking but no words, I see conversations going on and see no point. I want to a gathering on Monday and they talked about radical orthodoxy and I had minor input but by the end it was more like blah blah blah blah blah. I looked at the faces of the young people in the group and half of them looked like they wanted to rip put the own eyes. The speaker had lots of large words, compelling historical illustrations and references but there was very little substance and absolutely no effect on a person’s life. The question I have is was this worth my time? Was this worth the time for anyone there? Were we just adding noise to the universe?

There is scientific theory that says every sound that is made out side of a building goes on forever. The sound never stops it never ever stops just goes on and on. Think about that. If that that is true every time we curse, yell, say something negative it never dies out, some where in time and space is every thing we ever said out side a building. I do not know if this thought is real or not but if it is I do not want to add useless sounds to the universe. I do not want to send empty hollow meaningless words out just to prove I have can talk. I really do not want to send negative sound waves on forever.

I have decided that I want to listen to more and try to hear what is really going on around me in this world. I want to see if there is any substance to all this sound that is in this world. I want to cut down the amount of empty meaningless sounds I put into the mix. I have a mind set to add more sounds of love and compassion so who ever is out there, where ever they may be and come across my words will hear the sound that they will want to listen to. I want to add something to all this noise that will stand out from the static.

I pray that God allow me to add sounds of substance, sound of love and sounds of compassion. I pray that I as we all go through life we tune into hearing more of these sounds. I pray that if my words do go on forever than they go on to be heard as those reflections of my faith in Christ and my compassion for the little parts of life I function in. Let it be dear God if it be your will let it be.