Everything in balance

  I used to think as a therapist that getting people to the space of healing was a destination. That at some point, the person would have a moment, like walking up to a mountaintop, where the pain would vanish, and the view would be clear. That is a false hope! Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash The true way to see self-healing is as hard work. Healing is more like tending a garden in soil that's hard, uncared for, abandoned, and weed-filled. We bought a new house and found a lot of sand and stones where our garden needed to grow. I would have easily said, "No, we'll just buy from the farmer's market!" But, one must first decide to do the work, and that can be very intimidating. My wife said we could do it, and we DID! Watching that sand transform into a thin garden in year one, then a lush garden in year two and beyond, the connection hit me hard: this is what I've been doing with people for over 24 years. Therapy is much like tending this garden. Initially, ...

                                                                                Phot by RA ImageZ on Unsplash Real masculinity isn’t measured in how many wings you can down at a party. It is not how many trips to a buffet you can make. It is not that you can finish your partners meal even after eating yours!  Studies show some men overeat in social settings to appear more masculine or dominant—but their is a cost?  Social pressure, performance, and trained behaviors and expectations of manhood can lead to unhealthy habits which can lead to,  Obesity, Beer Belly, Low self esteem, sleep disturbance,  high blood pressure,  disordered eating,  diabetes,  ED and many other physical and mental health issues.    L...

  "Depression in men often looks different than what we expect. ? It might show up as: Anger or Irritability Instead of Sadness Many men have never been taught how to express sadness, grief, or fear. As a result, these feelings often emerge as anger or irritability. For some, it's the only emotion they feel permitted—or even safe—to show. What looks like frustration on the surface may actually be sorrow or anxiety trying to find a way out. Working Excessively For many men, work becomes a form of escape. The structure, clear expectations, and familiar routines offer a sense of control that emotional life often does not. Immersing themselves in their careers allows men to avoid confronting emotional confusion or vulnerability. Withdrawing from Friends and Family When faced with problems they can't solve or emotions they can't fix, many men instinctively retreat. The pressure to always have answers can be overwhelming, and in the absence of solutions, withdrawal may feel...

  Talking About Hard topics: Sharing personal and sensitive topics, such as our trauma history or mental health needs, can understandably bring about several challenges. One significant concern can be the fear of rejection. When we open up and share deep aspects of ourselves, there's a natural worry that the other person might not accept or understand us. Another layer of difficulty involves the anxiety associated with trust. Expressing traumatic experiences requires us to be vulnerable and place our trust in another individual, which can be daunting. Additionally, it's common to experience a feeling of weakness when expressing our own needs. We might have a misconception that sharing our vulnerabilities or requirements could be perceived as a sign of weakness. Preparing for a Difficult Conversation Talking about trauma or other personal topics can be difficult. Here are few steps to help you prepare: Preparing Internally Practice what you want to say into a mirr...

  What is a Trauma event(s) A traumatic event is an incident that causes physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological harm. It is an event that leave a person feeling threatened, frightened, or overwhelmed. Examples include accidents, natural disasters, violence, abuse, or witnessing a distressing event. It is triggers the human Fight or Flight which response to the maximum that often leaves a person stuck int fight, flight or freeze mode, this can trigger the trauma response system (TRS). What is a Trauma Response? Trauma responses refer to the psychological, emotional, and physical reactions individuals may experience after encountering a traumatic event. This is a human defense system! The trauma response system (TRS) allows humans to survive horrible event(s) including accidents, abuse, violence, loss, natural disasters and long term trauma exposure. Once your trauma response system is activated it can fail to stop protecting you long after the trauma event(s) are...

  Understanding ADHD and Trauma Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness. Adults with ADHD may struggle with time management, organization, maintaining focus, hyper-awareness, and a sense of being overwhelmed. Trauma can stem from various experiences such as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood, being the victim or witnessing violence, sudden loss, or even long-term exposure to chronic stressors such as poverty. Trauma can significantly impact how an individual manages their ADHD symptoms. For individuals navigating ADHD while experiencing the effects of past trauma, it can complicate daily life. Trauma can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, leading to increased unstable emotional responses to simple daily interactions.  Trauma and ADHD can trigger anxiety, depression, and emotional regulation challenges. Conversely, ADHD can worsen trauma triggers by ...

                                                                        Photo by Abyan Athif on Unsplash   Positive Focus: in a Negative World   Introduction In our fast-paced and often stressful lives, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by negativity and challenges. A positive focus involves shifting our attention to the positive aspects of our experiences and developing a mindset that fosters resilience, happiness, and overall well-being. This blog explores the concept of a positive focus, provides practical journaling assignments, and offers resources for further reading and support. The Importance of a Positive Focus In times where we hear and see 99% negative information, we have to be INTENTIONAL about seeing good and positive things! Intentional ...