You are GOOD ENOUGH - overcoming series #1
Understanding Your Mindset
It’s
essential to recognize that thoughts shape our feelings and behaviors. If
you’re struggling with the thought “I am not good enough,” you’re likely
experiencing low self-esteem. This mindset can create a cycle of negative
self-talk and feelings, which can affect multiple areas of your life.
Challenge
Negative Beliefs
1. Identify the Thought:
We have to learn to be much more self-aware. We carefully watch our words at work, church, school, and in other social settings—but we rarely pay attention to our own self-talk.
It’s true: we are often our own worst critics. The problem is that many of those self-critical thoughts aren’t truly ours. They come from trauma, repeated criticism, or being raised in a negative mindset.
You have to STOP those self defeating thoughts but first you have to catch yourself from mentally hurting yourself!
When you catch yourself thinking “I am not good enough,” (or any negative self talk) write it down.
2. Examining Evidence:
Very rarely are we as bad as we think! Once recognized we have to use evidential thinking! Reflect on the evidence supporting and contradicting this belief. Ask yourself 3 questions :
Why do I think "I am not good enough"
Not what others have said, not what Trauma taught you but what do you really think about you
What accomplishments or successes have I already achieved?
Small things count! I have a home, I have a job, I am loving, I am kind, I am persistent, I have food on my table, I am a good parent, I am a good friend! LOOK at your positives
What have others expressed appreciation for my efforts?
Remember the time your friend said thank you.
The time your boss gave you praise. The moment a stranger thanked you for holding the door.
There are people around you who see your value. Find them. Listen to and believe them. And if the people around you don’t support your growth or your changes - then it may be time to find new people who will.
3. Reframe the Thought:
No that you can recognize the negative thoughts, and have stopped them! Time to rewrite them. In psychology there is a theory that as we grow we write mental scripts about us. If yours is negative you have to rewrite and reframe those thoughts that are not really YOURS!
Replace “I am not
good enough” with a more balanced thought, such as, “I am doing my best and
that is enough.” "I fail at everything!" change to I am not perfect but I continue to try and that is enough! (see thought reframing ideas at the end of this post!
Practicing
Relaxation Techniques
Incorporating
relaxation techniques can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall sense of
self-worth. Here are a few effective methods:
Deep Breathing
Exercises
•
How to Practice: Sit comfortably, close
your eyes, and take a deep breath through your nose, allowing your abdomen to
expand. Exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this for 5-10 minutes.
Progressively
Relax Your Body
•
How to Practice: Starting from your toes,
tense each muscle group for five seconds, then relax. Gradually move up through
your body to your head.
Mindfulness
Meditation
•
How to Practice: Set aside a few minutes
daily to meditate. Focus on your breath and allow thoughts to come and go
without judgment.
Try New Selfcare techniques:
To
address your self-esteem issues, consider these actionable ideas:
1.
Journaling: Keep a daily journal where
you write about your thoughts, feelings, and any instances of negative
self-talk. Reflect on these to identify patterns.
2.
Set Achievable Goals: Start with small,
attainable goals. Celebrate every achievement, no matter how small, to build
your confidence.
3.
Seek Feedback: Talk to trusted friends or
family about your feelings. Sometimes, external perspectives can provide a more
accurate self-assessment.
4.
Track Your Progress: Regularly review
your journal and note improvements or changes in your thinking patterns.
Conclusion
Remember, overcoming self-esteem issues takes time and
practice. By utilizing CBT techniques and incorporating relaxation practices
into your daily routine, you can shift your mindset and cultivate a healthier
view of yourself. Celebrate your progress, and be gentle with yourself on this
journey!
Please see my website Lifeline Connections Therapy if you need a therapist in Michigan.
Send me an email with questions or thoughts to therapist.paul@gmail.com
20 Negative Self-Thoughts
→ 20 Positive Replacement Thoughts
-
“I’m not good enough.”
→ I am enough as I am, and I can still grow. -
“I always mess things up.”
→ I make mistakes, and I learn from them. -
“I’m a failure.”
→ I’ve had setbacks, not a failed life. -
“No one cares about me.”
→ Some people care, even if I don’t feel it right now. -
“I’m weak.”
→ Surviving what I’ve been through shows strength. -
“I don’t deserve good things.”
→ I deserve safety, respect, and opportunities. -
“I’ll never change.”
→ Change is slow, but it is possible. -
“Everyone is better than me.”
→ Everyone is on a different path, including me. -
“I’m too damaged.”
→ I’ve been impacted by life, not broken by it. -
“I can’t trust myself.”
→ I’m learning to listen to myself again. -
“I’m a burden.”
→ My needs matter, and asking for help is okay. -
“I should be further along by now.”
→ My timeline is my own. -
“I’m unlovable.”
→ I am worthy of love, even while healing. -
“Nothing I do is right.”
→ Some things go well, even if I overlook them. -
“I’m stupid.”
→ I am capable, even when I’m struggling. -
“People will reject me if they know the real me.”
→ The right people accept authenticity. -
“I can’t handle this.”
→ This is hard, and I can take it one step at a time. -
“My feelings are wrong.”
→ My feelings are signals, not problems. -
“I don’t belong anywhere.”
→ I am allowed to take up space. -
“I’ll always feel this way.”
→ Feelings change, even when they feel permanent.
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